So, Sucker Punch is out on the 1st of April and happens to feature a bevy of butt-kicking babes (*punches self square in the nuts for saying that*). This got me thinking (Sucker Punch, not the nut shot) that this was as an opportune a time as any to round up movie-land’s toughest ladies and have ‘em duke it out to decide just which of them is the biggest bad ass.
Have a magic sponge, plenty of plasters, a big bottle of water (hydration is important) and your shin pads at the ready, because this is about to go off! Hit the navigation below to begin:
Here is a list of sexy girls who play their roles as badass chicks!
Who? Mila Jovovich as LeeLoo
What? The Fifth Element
Why? Grown from a scrap of an alien spacecraft, LeeLoo Dallas Multipass (nude girl), escapes the authorities and throws herself off a building and into sky cab driver Bruce Willis’ life, and taxi, with a big badaboom. She looks great in bandages but doesn’t take kindly to any unexpected snogging. LeeLoo is a supreme being not shy about getting her kit off and fond of smacking up Gary Oldman’s alien minions.
Who? Devon Aoki as Miho
What? Sin City
Why? A rooftop dwelling angel; deadly, little Miho helps Clive Owen out with a big fat kill, utilizing a bow and arrow, knives, throwing stars and a pair of samurai swords. She’s silent, emotionless and beautiful. She makes a right mess of Benicio Del Toro – cutting of his hand, blocking his gun barrel so he shoots himself in the head and then making a Pez dispenser out of him.
Who? Summer Glau as River Tam
Why? Already a touch psychic and rather graceful, River Tam gets her brain box rewired by evil Alliance scientists before being broken out by her big brother and taking sanctuary on Firefly class spaceship, Serenity. The Alliance’s tampering leaves River with a head full of military secrets, enhanced psychic and physical abilities and a rather unstable nature. She beats an entire bar full of scum and villainy to the brink of consciousness (all of which Summer Glau does, by herself, for real), slices and dices an army of psychotic, self harming, cannibal mutants into fun size chunks AND she could kill you with her brain.
Who? Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia
What? The first and only Star Wars trilogy.
Why? Whoah, whoah, whoah, it’s not bullshit – let’s analyse Mrs. Solo. She’s feisty, a crack shot with a blaster, can ride the hell out of a speeder bike, is chock full of the force, throttles a giant-space slug-gangster to death with a chain while only wearing THAT gold bikini, hangs out with dodgy characters and faces off to the Dark Lord of the Sith – even implying he has body odor issues
Who? Pam Grier as Foxy Brown
What? Foxy Brown
Why? Foxy Brown has an awesome theme song. It plays over her own awesome title sequence, which stars her. She has an infinite wardrobe of many amazing outfits. Foxy is also a black belt in bar stools, but is equally at home fucking you up with a trash can. Shit, even after being drugged and raped she’ll get straight back up, into the pilot seat of a light aircraft, chase you down in it and shred your punk ass with the propeller. Then she’ll have a gang of her mates cut off your junk, pop it into a jar and deliver it to your missus. She also has a gun hidden in her afro. SUPER BAD ASS.
Who? Rose McGowan as Cherry Darling
What? Planet Terror
Why? She’s already a no-shit-taking-bird-flipping-wise-cracking-go-go-not-cry-cry-dancer. Cherry then survives an impromptu, not particularly sanitary, zombie attack/leg amputation. She sheds a brief tear and hobbles out of the zombie infested hospital on an unceremoniously inserted, table leg. Quentin Tarantino then makes the mistake of trying to take advantage of her and gets said unceremoniously inserted table leg, unceremoniously inserted into his eye. Later she levels up to an M4 Carbine, with M203 grenade launcher, which she promptly uses to launch herself over a wall and into the thick of it, where Cherry annihilates the infected with a combo of her dance moves and leg bullets. Realizing the world has gone to hell Ms. Darling rounds up the survivors, dons a new, mini gun limb and starts a protected, peaceful society on a pretty, Mexican beach.
Who? Uma Thurman as The Bride/Beatrix Kiddo
What? Kill Bill 1 and 2
Why? Assassin, Black Mamba survives the kicking of a lifetime on her wedding day, then, fresh from a coma, smashes would-be-rapist Buck’s head open with a door. Then, with the aid of a flash back and a wiggly, funny shaped big toe, completely recuperates and embarks on a globetrotting, eye plucking, sword swinging rampage of revenge. She racks up an enormous body count, rocks Bruce Lee’s Game of Death duds, rides a motorbike and even survives being buried alive. Total bad ass.
Who? Zoe Bell as Zoe Bell
What? Death Proof
Why? She’s seen and loves Vanishing Point. She’s playing herself which means we can count her being The Bride’s stunt double towards her bad assness level. She drives fast cars, and not in a careful, track day for her birthday way – kiwi, stunt woman, Zoe persuades her friends to let her play “Ships Mast”, a trouser browning, high speed stunt where she straps herself to the bonnet of a borrowed Dodge Challenger as it rockets down country back roads. She then survives psychotic Stuntman Mike’s attack and instead of sitting down with a nerves soothing cuppa, goes back to run him down and roundhouse the fuck out of him. She is pretty much indestructible. She is the legendary Zoe Bell and you gotta check out her show reel.
Who? Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor
What? The Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Why? Because she takes out two robots from the future, sent back through time to kill her and then her unborn son, that’s why. Starting out as a bad waitress, with a pocket full of ice cream and no date, Sarah Jeanette Connor transforms herself into a battle ready, and hardened, warrior woman. She will do anything to protect her son and in turn mankind’s resistance in the war against the machines. In the first film Sarah gives Kyle a decent field dressing (future soldier slang for a night of smooching in an underpass) and squashes the T-800 in a big squashing machine – “You’re terminated, fucker”. In T2 she is a full on, hard core, double tough, bad ass: doing more chin ups than Jason Statham, knocking guards teeth out, breaking out of her nut house, firing many, many guns, being really rather rude to Arnold Schwarzenegger, botching an assassination, blowing up a computer factory and pumping round after round of shotgun ammo into Robert Patrick’s murderous mercury machine. Pumped up and always prepared – a proper bad ass.
Who? Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley
What? Alien, Aliens, Alien cubed and Alien Resurrection.
Why? Why?! *takes a deep breath* The sole survivor of a terrifying alien attack on her spaceship, the Nostromo, Ripley then goes back for her cat before blowing it (the alien, not the kitty) out the goddamn airlock. Then after a few hundred years of hyper sleep and a few nights of nightmares, she goes back for more. Ripley rescues Marines, dodges a face huger, finds time to become a surrogate mother and fall in love, THEN fights the Alien Queen WHILE in a giant, fucking robot. After another hyper sleep time out, Ellen then goes back for MORE. Free of her locks and automatic weapons this time, she still faces down a whole prison planet full of crimes, before outsmarting another Xenomorph, then topping herself for the good of the rest of us. Time for a well-deserved pint and packet of ready salted in alien hunter heaven right? Wrong. Even death can’t stop Ellen Ripley from coming back for more – this time humbling Hellboy, and that fella from CSI, before annihilating another ship’s worth of acid blooded critters. She deserves major props. And the title of “ultimate movie bad ass chick”.
Agree? Disagree? Flip your desk over because I missed out Blah McSo Anne So? Don’t cry, it’s not definitive, just chip into the comments section and let us know your who, what and why.
Ooh, and don’t forget to keep it FilmShaft, for a review of Zack Snyder’s, nerd porn orgasm: Sucker Punch, in UK cinemas from the 1st of April.