American Pie: The Book Of Love – DVD Review
Published on December 7, 2009 by Alex Wagner · View Comments
I knew there was a reason why my editor decided to move to Australia! Anything to get out of reviewing the seventh American Pie film. Wow, seven films all based around the already-thin idea of horny high school kids. I’m not even sure how to go about reviewing this one honestly. I guess I’ll start with the “plot”.
The Book of Love was actually mentioned 10 years ago in the very first American Pie movie. It’s a book that teaches young males all about how to go about pleasing a woman. The best oral techniques, how to flatter them, what to buy them, the best way to lie to them and other random sexist things. Three randy virgins find the book hidden in the school library, but due to a painfully unfunny mishap involving fire and the sprinkler system, some of the information becomes ruined. Armed with this incomplete advice the trio set about losing their virginity.
The films starts off with our main guy Rob who is bizarrely played by Bug Hall. The last time I saw this guy he was Alfalfa in the film version of The Little Rascals. This was way back in 1994 when I was 11. Guess his promising career never even got started. So Rob is at his computer eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when he discovers that two slices of bread and some filling remind him of a vagina. Being the horny teen that he his, he uses the half eaten sandwich to masturbate. However the family dog bursts in and is quite clearly hungry because the crazy canine goes straight for Rob’s crotch area and starts to lick the peanut butter. Although Rob protests at first, he begins to really enjoy it. This lovely romantic mood is ruined when it becomes apparent that Robs little brother has been filming the whole thing.
Other “great” scenes involve a geriatric prostitute that dies mid-blowjob and a CGI moose that makes tender love to a male teenager’s ass. Obviously I am not the films main target audience. Don’t get me wrong, I have been known to laugh at dick and fart jokes, but not 90 minutes worth of dick and fart jokes.
Eugene Levy is back. The only actor to be in every American Pie film so far. Even though is contribution to the film is minimal, I still can’t believe that he keeps saying yes. Those paychecks must be huge. Also the moment I saw Rosanna Arquette’s name appear in the opening credits I couldn’t believe that she would stoop so low. She plays the very complex character of Rob’s mum. This reminds me of the time when Jon Voight destroyed all of his credibility by appearing in Baby Geniuses 2! I also have to mention the fantastic cameos that populate the film: Kevin Federline, Bret Michaels and my personal favourite, Dustin Diamond, who was Screech in Saved By The Bell. Just when you think it couldn’t get any more ridiculous we are greeted by Louisa Lytton. EastEnders fans will recognise her as Ruby. She plays a bitchy Brit just in case you were wondering. Of course the film is rubbish. There is no point in expecting anything less from American Pie: The Book Of Love. It’s a pointless direct-to-DVD film that will be popular among drunken frat boys and dumb teens. Nothing more, nothing less. The acting is bad, the soundtrack is made up of generic pop-punk and it’s all very embarrassing. However, the film must have an audience because why else would they make 7 films? At the end of the day you just have to live and let live. I’ll be weeping well into my later years, as this is 90mins I will never get back again. Rating: Extra Features: n/a Tags: American Pie, Bret Michaels, Dustin Diamond, Eugene Levy, Louisa Lytton, Rosanna Arquette, The Little Rascals
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nothing like an open mind, Alex. Even with your snide review, it sounds funny and i'm gonna check it out.
nothing like an open mind, Alex. Even with your snide review, it sounds funny and i'm gonna check it out.
HA…
Sinnerfile, you must have the worst taste in films in the world. How can you justify wasting precious life on an American Pie film. If you want to laugh watch Some Like It Hot!
HA…
Sinnerfile, you must have the worst taste in films in the world. How can you justify wasting precious life on an American Pie film. If you want to laugh watch Some Like It Hot!
As Alexs girlfriend I was forced to watch this poor excuse of a film so that he wouldn't suffer alone. It is not funny and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I agree with Kelly – watch Some Like It Hot!
As Alexs girlfriend I was forced to watch this poor excuse of a film so that he wouldn't suffer alone. It is not funny and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I agree with Kelly – watch Some Like It Hot!
I agree with sinnerfile… way to go into this with an open mind. It ensured that we would get this extremely unbiased review.
I agree with sinnerfile… way to go into this with an open mind. It ensured that we would get this extremely unbiased review.
As taste is subjective, I think my taste is excellent. SOME LIKE IT HOT is a classic, this PIE clearly isn't (although it could be, i haven't seen it) but these films aren't meant to open Sundance nor will they stand up to being disected by a film school dropout with a hardon for anything subtitled. I'm just sayin' the only filmatic assessment of the 'review' was that there was 'bad acting,' the rest was an amateurish tirade of snarky statements.
As taste is subjective, I think my taste is excellent. SOME LIKE IT HOT is a classic, this PIE clearly isn't (although it could be, i haven't seen it) but these films aren't meant to open Sundance nor will they stand up to being disected by a film school dropout with a hardon for anything subtitled. I'm just sayin' the only filmatic assessment of the 'review' was that there was 'bad acting,' the rest was an amateurish tirade of snarky statements.
You dickhead,
An American Pie film doesn't deserve a proper review. No wonder the film industry is in such a state with morons like you watching shit!
You dickhead,
An American Pie film doesn't deserve a proper review. No wonder the film industry is in such a state with morons like you watching shit!
It's a brilliant review. It's the only way to review American Pie 7. It's crap and there is no other way of putting it.
It's a brilliant review. It's the only way to review American Pie 7. It's crap and there is no other way of putting it.
Alex's reviews are actually pretty good. If you read his reviews for Cracks, Harry Brown, District 9 and his Inglorious Basterds dvd review you will see the amount of depth he covers all the time.
The fact is that an American Pie film doesn't deserve any respect and he reviewed it the best way possible. By making fun of it.
No film buff would ever go into American Pie 7 with an open mind. If anything give him an award for actually sitting through it.
Alex's reviews are actually pretty good. If you read his reviews for Cracks, Harry Brown, District 9 and his Inglorious Basterds dvd review you will see the amount of depth he covers all the time.
The fact is that an American Pie film doesn't deserve any respect and he reviewed it the best way possible. By making fun of it.
No film buff would ever go into American Pie 7 with an open mind. If anything give him an award for actually sitting through it.
I actually liked its better then the other ones i place it third under the original and the 2nd movie, and but it is like the first two and thats the good thing , cuz u cant say their all the same cuz all revolved around a Stifler family member besides Skip Day my review is 3 1/2 star out of 5 and im a ovie buff who enjoyed this.
I actually liked its better then the other ones i place it third under the original and the 2nd movie, and but it is like the first two and thats the good thing , cuz u cant say their all the same cuz all revolved around a Stifler family member besides Skip Day my review is 3 1/2 star out of 5 and im a ovie buff who enjoyed this.
this film is not for the older people most people who are older than 20 find it vulgar and disgusting but your not every one and i find it very offensive to call all teenagers who watch the American Pie series stupid because i am clearly not stupid i plan on not reading any other reviews you write because of this.
this film is not for the older people most people who are older than 20 find it vulgar and disgusting but your not every one and i find it very offensive to call all teenagers who watch the American Pie series stupid because i am clearly not stupid i plan on not reading any other reviews you write because of this.
Wow, I've never met a person who claims intelligence and then judges a person based on one article – you must be one sharp tack dude!
Wow, I've never met a person who claims intelligence and then judges a person based on one article – you must be one sharp tack dude!
Also, I have never claimed to not like vulgar or disgusting humour. I love South Park and Family Guy, both of which offer huge amounts of vulgarity. There is a difference between something being actually funny and just being a waste of time.
Watch The Hangover instead, it is a million times better.
Also, I have never claimed to not like vulgar or disgusting humour. I love South Park and Family Guy, both of which offer huge amounts of vulgarity. There is a difference between something being actually funny and just being a waste of time.
Watch The Hangover instead, it is a million times better.
Alex, I get the feeling that Family Guy & South Park are on way past James W'S bedtime. LOL, and The Hangover may be a little too intelligent for him.
Love the review by the way. Very funny.
Alex, I get the feeling that Family Guy & South Park are on way past James W'S bedtime. LOL, and The Hangover may be a little too intelligent for him.
Love the review by the way. Very funny.