Lets be honest for a second, we’ve all dropped “Use the Force”, into conversation at one point or other, many of our braver readers may even have tried to slip in a “Get away from her you bitch” at some point too. But which movie quotes are best for conversation? Which ones should you be using and when? This totally scientific, informative and unquestioning list seeks to answer just such a question:
Quote: “What we’ve got here is (a) failure to communicate.”
Movie: Cool Hand Luke (1967)
Said By: Captain (Strother Martin)
When to use it: Managers, not being quite human, all have an inability to recognise irony or sarcasm, this makes the above a perfect quote for meetings or even during a good dressing down from your fearless leader. Delivered softly and with sincerity, it will be seen as a wise, almost profound observation on your part and is guaranteed to fast-track you back into the boss’s good books – if not into his job! Use at work often (but not always with the same member of staff – they’re not that stupid).
When not to use it: If you’re in the throes of a complete marriage breakdown, and you’re mid-argument with a rather hacked off significant other, and cutlery/crockery are flying in all directions – best leave this one in the drawer for a rainy day…
Quote: “Made it, Ma! Top of the world!”
Movie: White Heat
Said By: Arthur “Cody” Jarrett (James Cagney)
When to use it: Ahhh, the first day of school/college/university/work. You’re in your new, crisp uniform and your parents are there, camera in hand, feeling nothing but pride at your achievements and sorrow for that childhood long gone. You’re their baby – possibly even their only one and you’re all grown up. Why not destroy the moment by forcefully injecting a little humour?
When not to use it: Ahhh, first day in prison and the door has just slammed shut. Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it does it?
Quote: “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.”
Movie: The Silence of the Lambs
Said By: Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins)
When to use it: When shouldn’t you use it? This is without a doubt one of the most popular movie quotes used by nerds, comedians and douche bags everywhere! Use it at work, in the pub, at the breakfast table in front of your young, slightly scarred children. Use it one and use it all, this quote is definitely one of the greats.
When not to use it: Well if you suddenly find your house being raided by the police, while your sat at the dinner table, Chianti in hand and census taker on the floor… you may want to come up with a better defence!
Quote: “Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
Movie: Forrest Gump
Said By: Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks)
When to use it: Don’t. Just don’t go there. Yes, this could be considered another great movie quote from cinema’s history, if only it wasn’t completely stolen and devalued by the proles that know nothing whatsoever about cinema and try to use it in an “ironic”, “I just made a funny” kind of way. If you are one of these people then why are you here? Surely there’s a bridge nearby with a very long drop? I suggest you use it. Now.
When not to use it: See above. Although maybe you could give it one last shot as you plummet to your death. Not before time idiot.
Quote: “I see dead people.”
Movie: The Sixth Sense
Said By: Cole Sear (Haley Joel Osment)
When to use it: If you’re using it for comedy effect, then I’d suggest either in a Hospital waiting room, or an old peoples home. There really is no other use for this quote other than to see the frightened, wrinkled old faces in front of you as you remind them that they’re just a few years away from their box. Prepare for people to be offended.
When not to use it: If you’re sat in front of a child psychologist, who believes you’re some kind of whack job, forget what the film says – he’s not really a ghost, this is just giving him more ammunition.
Quote: “My precious.”
Movie: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Said By: Gollum (Andy Serkis)
When to use it: This is one that hasn’t quite been taken over by the proles of the world – but it isn’t far off. Get as much use out if it as you still can! In the bar, when you’re drink is finally served, in the office when someone hands you a pen, when you collect the trophy at the FA Cup/Super Bowl, in the Olympics when you’re stood on that podium collecting your gold – any which way you can.
When not to use it: You’ve been out on the perfect date, you’re eyes met across the table and you made that “connection”. You walk her home, she asks you in for coffee. You get to her bedroom and are ready to get jiggy with it as she finally gets down to her bare skin – this is not the ideal quote for the moment. Resist the urge.
Quote: “I’m king of the world!”
Movie: Titanic
Said By: Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio)
When to use it: Getting that promotion? Winning the Lottery? Becoming King of the world? There really aren’t to many wrong places to use this, the line is very self explanatory. It’s a celebration of happy times and success so feel free to celebrate!
When not to use it: Remember that date we spoke about just a moment ago? Well once you’ve “done the deed” this line can be a real turn-off.
Quote: “What do you mean, I’m funny?…You mean the way I talk? What?…Funny how? I mean, what’s funny about it?…But I’m funny how? I mean, funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to f–kin’ amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How’m I funny??…How the f–k am I funny? What the f–k is so funny about me? Tell me? Tell me what’s funny!…”
Movie: Goodfellas
Said By: Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci)
When to use it: There isn’t really a right or wrong time to use this, it’s just a fantastic quote from the most insane short person you’ll ever be unlucky enough to meet. Most people only ever use excerpts, feel free. “Funny like I’m a clown” usually works best when friends are liquored up and you’re in a bar telling a few jokes. Of course it’s a difficult one to work in elsewhere but be my guest.
When not to use it: Well after telling your boss that there’s been “A failure to communicate” probably best not to enter into an insane tirade about why he finds you funny (he’s probably not laughing to begin with). Also on the witness stand, when trying to explain that dead census taker, the judge will not take kindly to you getting up in his face and accusing him of calling you a clown – although it might look pretty good on the minutes…