The Expendables is a very quixotic and straight-faced action movie. It doesn’t go for ironic poses and only once, in the Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis cameo scene, does it truly wink at the audience.
The contemporary time period of the movie’s setting belies its philosophy and spirit. Sly Stallone’s action-fest was forged in the fires of the 1980s. The titans of the day were Stallone, Arnie, Van Damme, Norris, Seagal, Dudikoff, and hell, even Cynthia Rothrock!
The Expendables is a bit like Wild Geese or the Dirty Dozen only instead of casting much-respected actors it gets a bunch of knuckle-headed icons past and present to do what they do best – and it isn’t acting (Bruce Willis and Mickey Rourke excluded).
We’re promised a show stopper that rolls quickly into a humdrum movie. Stallone’s magnum opus was the deranged Rambo IV. A film so violent and ludicrous it transcended onto a higher plain of experience. The idea must have been to capitalise on those breathtakingly insane jungle warfare scenes and transplant into the “ultimate actioner” but with a slighter softer edge to appeal more to younger audiences. Cynical stuff, no? And the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The Expendables isn’t a grind, but it does run out of gasoline despite the kaboom-kaboom-kaboom denouement.
A couple of good things shine through including Eric Roberts’ rogue CIA man, Bruce Willis’ Mr. Church and Mickey Rourke’s downbeat soliloquy about his time in Serbia. Stallone’s film, in general, does have the building blocks of something special – it just doesn’t deliver. We were promised in the trailers and by the hype machine an action adventure movie like no other. Instead we get an action adventure like all the rest.
It feels creaky in several places and the set-pieces aren’t up to much either. Stallone looks like he’s melting and clearly doesn’t want to let go of his sacred image. Is The Expendables a requiem?
The DVD extras are pretty standard stuff. The gag reel is worth watching just so you can see Bruce Willis struggle with the word ‘Vilena’. Come on man! You got paid a lot of money for two minutes work – at least get your damn lines right.
A deleted scene was wisely exercised because it’s, well, rubbish. Dolph Lundgren tells a joke before shooting somebody. The joke isn’t even remotely funny. A Stallone yak track is pretty boring and delivered in the typical mumble and monotone we so love. The standard documentary further compounds the mediocrity.
That said, if you want to turn off your brain for an hour and a half and leave it on autopilot, The Expendables is fine enough. It really does ape 1980s action films in that respect.
Rambo IV remains Stallone’s most insane and brilliant effort. The man is a mystery to me. If you dig into his career there’s some real gems along with the turds. The Expendables is somewhere in the middle. Perhaps for The Expendables 2 he can rev it up a bit more, bring in Willis for a lot longer, excise some of the dead-weight like Randy Couture and let Charisma Carpenter join the team.
Rating: ?????
The Expendables blasts on to Blu-ray and DVD from Monday 13th December.